Last Night

I crawled into bed like normal, Shem waiting making the bed warm for me, and snuggled close to him.  We, I mean, I normally talk like crazy before falling asleep, but last night I actually was stuck in my own thoughts for a few moments before I had to share them with him.  I finally realized something so true about myself and apparently Shem has known this about me for a long time because he totally agreed.  So, in an effort to rid myself of this fault so that I can be my best self I'm telling the world...well, the couple of you who stop by here.  Maybe someone else out there is just like me and could benefit from this?  Who knows.

Well, here it is.  I hate being told what to do.  This trait has seemed to grow over the past few years to the point where Shem can't tell me how I'm feeling because I get frustrated with him telling me how I feel, and I tend to complain a lot about rules these days.  This seems so weird to me because growing up I was such a rule follower, and now me hating being told what to do is keeping me from reaching some of my goals.  One of which is still to lose the 10 extra pounds of baby weight and then the extra 10 of marriage/graduation- from-college-weight.  I start following these meal plans, and then I get so mad at them because they don't let me eat what I want and then I give up and eat a whole bunch of marshmallows or something dumb.  I rarely have sugar in the house, but I always find a way to eat too much of something to the point of turning it into junk.  Why do I hate following a diet???  My own brain isn't letting me reach my goals...that stinks.  I wish I could turn it off for a few days and just be.  Maybe then I could get past my brain.  Ha ha!

Anyway, isn't that weird?  In other news I have been thinking about some things to post.  Mostly just thoughts on where I am in my life.  Lately we've been trying to get pregnant again and have been off birth control for a year now and still no luck.  I'm starting to worry a bit and started to track my ovulation which, according to the LH surge predictor kit, I am not.  At least last cycle.  I finally went to see the midwife yesterday and was told to keep testing and trying until January.  If nothing by then I will go back and we'll check things out on the ultrasound and do some tests.  If needed go on Clomid.  It's so weird to have it be so hard to get pregnant a second time when we got pregnant with Asher.  Granted, we had two miscarriages before him, but we still got pregnant.  It seems like everyone around me is pregnant again and I'm ready for another baby.  This time around I can handle the emotions that come with trying without success, which is such a blessing.  Asher truly is a huge blessing to me and brings much joy into our home.

Time to go...his show just ended.  That was a nice 20 mins of me time! :)