Today, especially, I'm feeling really sad about not going back to work. I feel like a phase of my life has ended and that there is no turning back. This is kind of an odd feeling to me because I complained a lot about my job, how busy I was, never being able to feel like I was ever caught up, kids acting up at times, and waking up at dark thirty just to get to work on time. Aside from all of my complaining I genuinely loved my job. I loved the kids, my friends, the office ladies, my bosses, the random things that would happen when it snowed, the learning...oh, how I love to learn and read and then teach others what I've learned even if I feel like I taught X concept in the worst way possible. I was never afraid to admit that I didn't know everything to my students, in fact I loved that they knew that I was still learning. I loved being and feeling like a professional...I was a professional and I worked dang hard in school to make it happen! :) Yup, I'm proud that I made sacrifices in my life in order to move myself forward. I may not have know Spanish the best, or known the best teaching methods but I feel like I did a decent job at what I did and I would gladly take an opportunity to further my education and go back to teaching if/when it may present itself.
Now that I'm moving on from working full-time outside of my home I'm focusing on my family. I feel so much joy when I think about all of the things I'll get to do with Asher and for Shem now that I'm home. Since becoming a mom I've learned that if something doesn't get done around the house right away it's fine. I don't have to be perfect, but mostly just keep taking care of the things that matter most and Asher pretty much is at the top of that list right next to taking care of myself. I'm hoping that I won't be a bum and waste time in the usual ways (I'll be the first to admit that facebook and blogs distract me a lot during the day) and I do want to keep moving forward. Things are going to be different around my home and I'm hoping that where Shem and I used to split a lot of the work I'll be able to take over. I'm hoping that this school year will be less stressful for him since I'll be taking care of most things around the house.
I'm also going to get my body in shape again. I have time now! And hopefully Asher and I find a jogging stroller soon that we like so that we can get out and run during the week. I have some personal goals to get really good at yoga and in April my friend Julie and I are going to run a 1/2 marathon together! All I have to do is start running now. :) I'm at a point where I feel like my body is ready to be used again and it feels great to be ready to move.
I'm also excited to focus more on making and building some friendships. In the past I've felt like I didn't have any friends at church and I blamed it on being at work all day. Turns out that I had friends at work! I also feel like I have a tendency to not let people into my life for a lot of dumb reasons; my house is too small, we don't have toys, I work all day long, we don't have kids, my house is dirty, I'm still in my pajamas, etc. The only person that I have truly let into my life and who knows me better than anyone has been Shem. He made it so easy for me to open up and to truly be myself (turns out I'm really a goofy girl and I think of really weird things). I know what a blessing a few girlfriends, or even a best friend can be to a married gal, so it's time to let people into my life...my very imperfect life, but I promise I am kind of cool...in a totally geeky and weird-humored kind of way.
Things are changing, I've changed and life is going to be great...different, but great.
Me and my reason for change. 8/28/2011
5 comments:
For jogging strollers, try Craigslist or that consignment shop in Issaquah, Small Threads for Kids.
What little I have seen of your goody side; I think you are hilarious and bring smiles to those around you.
I know you want a nice jogging stoller, which I am sure you could find on craigslist, but if you just want to try out a stroller for free that is basic and simple and you want it now, then come get this jogging stroller I have been storing and waiting to pass it along to some mom in need of a jog.
Working is great, but not working is even greater and working a little is best of both worlds. You can do and learn so much more at home then at work as you get to be the master of your time - of course you could waste gobs of time too, and you will for awhile, but that is only because you have an energy sucking bug - when this happens don't be so hard on yourself and make a plan for the next day. Start small and overtime you will accomplish a lot.
If you get bored come play with me.
You can tell that's Shem's child in that picture!
I'm pretty sure we haven't met before but my husband and I went to Russia with Shem. I can definitely relate to your post. We have twin sons that are 6 and a 2 year old daughter. I have always worked...until now. This is my first time being a stay at home mom and I feel so clueless already! School just started for my boys so it's going to mostly be me and my little girl. I've been thinking so much about how I now have the time to be who I really want to be and to make sure my children are learning what I want them to learn (school wise and church). It's going to take some practice but I'm really grateful for this new stage in life. Good luck!
I can relate to your post in a lot of different ways and I wish you the best in your endeavor to change. I wish we lived closer so we could hang out together more often. Give Asher lots of love from me!
You are such a great person Ruth! I wish I lived closer so that we could go on jogs together, and hang out with our kids. I think that alot of people would benefit from your friendship Ruth. You are a good friend, funny, caring, and a good person. I know it gets lonely at times being at home. I remember it being hard transitioning from work to staying at home too. It won't last long. Kids are busy, but they also keep you company.
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